It is not very often when I am floored health wise but regrettably this past week has been one of those occasions. I have just lost half a day recovering from a cold or perhaps flu which saw me bedridden along with doing the unthinkable today – dropping my son off to school in my pajamas.
I’m not sure which is worse, feeling as though my face (or every part of my nasal cavities) has been slammed with a cast iron saucepan or that I resorted to not getting changed and driving to my son’s school in jammies. All I know is that I can thank God it was winter and the weather was awful enough for people not to notice.
I had admittedly pondered over the fact that my church prayed over me this past Sunday when I began to show signs that I was not feeling myself at all. I felt guilty when I popped pain killers and struggled through work on Monday. I confess that I began to question my understanding of healing by yesterday when I had to leave work midday with a headache more painful beyond the pain killers I’d again popped in order to get through the day. So as I struggled to sleep beyond a son who woke me up at 2am in the morning letting me know he couldn’t sleep to a teen so engrossed in her revision for exams that she stayed up until 3(or 4 or 5) am, also waking me up, I felt a tad guilty that perhaps I lacked enough faith to bounce out of bed this morning breezy and full of life.
In actual fact the guilt caught up with me – I began to think that perhaps it was a lack of faith that I took a ‘time out’ by not going into work, that would be a loss of a day’s pay but before that thought could gain a foothold the following verse was quoted in my devotional this morning:
Isaiah 40: 11
“He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart; He gently leads those that have young“
Whatever thought that my self critical mind could conjure up fell flat on the floor when comparing scripture. I’ve underlined the section of the verse that enabled me to rest:
“He gently leads those that have young”
When a farmer or a shepherd is dealing with livestock with young, they would not unduly stress any ewes or cows who are tending to their young, but instead that shepherd takes extra special care to make sure that none of the livestock gets left behind or lost.
We are sometimes our own worst enemies when we try to push ourselves beyond what our bodies can cope with. On seeing that verse, I had an inner reassurance that financially I was going to be ok – it was just one days’ pay and I’ve got enough in reserve to cover for that. I seriously did not need to make myself even more ill by trying to soldier through today plus stay behind for a meeting and then deal with rush hour traffic to pick my son up from school, THEN come home to cook, check and see that the kids had a good day.
God’s expectation of me was that I rested in His Word and got ……well.
As a single parent one can sometimes feel as though we have to work double the effort to make ends meet and to see that our kids have as normal a life as society dictates.
But we forget that we cannot and should not do that on our own but instead rely on a Heavenly Father who gently leads those of us who have young.