Of all the occasions during this past year when I’ve thought to myself that I would add to this blog, it was this day – the last day of the year that is 2017 – that I just had to log in to reflect on how this year went.

This blog entry very nearly just got interrupted by my teen daughter who nearly killed my laptop by tripping on my wire. And all for my sister’s macaroni cheese pie! *facepalms* So after my wail of fear as I caught the laptop at the very last minute, plus my daughter’s wail of fear at my wail (and then me getting her chastisement at scaring her), I shall continue.

One main thing that I have noticed about coming to the end of 2017, has been the fact that we are here, on the cusp of a New Year and I feel at peace. This has to be the first year in a long, long time where I can truly say that I feel a peace that surpasses all understanding. Given that this is grace-based I love how that feels.

This year has been a journey with a big learning curve and I thank God that as I come to the end of this year I have no regrets. Isn’t life something, when a person can look back at a year and actually see progress? This is progress in terms of learning from life’s curve balls or unpleasantries. All the previous year ends would always see a regret that I shoulda, woulda, coulda but this year feels different.

At the beginning of this year I was working on a project with a big IT company which gave me a taste of what it’s like to not be highly stressed out as a classroom teacher. It taught me to take hold of any opportunities that come your way and to not fear. The position was a leap of faith for me due to the fact that it was not permanent, and I had kids to raise and a mortgage to pay. But I saw that I can actually leave the classroom and that there was life after the security of being a teacher. I will forever appreciate the opportunity given by Google Education and the confidence that such an experience gave me.

The death of my dad in March, taught me about the enigma which is bereavement but more importantly about how important it is to allow oneself to grieve. It was by far the bring-you-to-your-knees moment in the year but yet, it gave me a deeper sense of empathy towards those who lose a close relative and it enabled me to focus my direction of  prayer when praying for those who are grieving. It taught me that rather than it being a temporary blip in one’s life, it was in fact a change or modification of what our journey is as human beings, how interconnected we are and how important it is to carry out our purpose on this earth. It was and is a sacred experience which is on going.

The end of the IT project plunged me back into the prospect of being in the classroom and in a way I went through a period of grieving again (being honest in this blog). Although I kidded myself that substitute/ supply teaching was a means to an end and that I was bringing new resources from the last contract back into teaching, my heart, love and drive has actually gone. But again it is with no regrets. Even though I was away from teaching for basically an academic year, to witness the scale of changes that have taken place in that short time, has sealed it for me that it is finally time to let go of being in the classroom or the front line, so to speak. So as I approached the end of 2017 I have been exploring the many different options to enable me to still care for my children but also to be able to explore new frontiers away from teaching.

As I have had a gap since working in September, I have been able to return to my first love – to create something from nothing. This has taken the form of having the time to programme a solution in Python to help out another teacher whose speciality is SQL, to getting back to making all things craft-like. In 2018 I am aiming to creating a self marking assessment test which feedback immediate levels for students – of course this being dependent upon not getting called out too often. Plus also looking into the idea of making craft items that I can sell. Ideas and brainstorming but now with the confidence of knowing that I can explore these things as well as others.

So here I am, witnessing the afternoon pass by as I approach 2018.

We are on the cusp of a year of many new opportunities and experiences and I thank God that through Christ I am strengthened enough to eagerly explore them.

Recent events involving my youngest has had me review what we as parents put ourselves through and it is with this in mind that I refer to this blog entry as Santa-Gate.

It all started back in November. A dear friend and sister in Christ came to my local city to visit us and drop off presents. I had placed the presents behind the sofa in the hope that said child would not notice them until I could find a better hiding place.

Alas I was wrong.

Instead, he came from school and promptly peered behind the sofa.

“What’s that, mummy?”came the curious question we all dread.

“It’s mine.” was all that I could come back with having been caught off guard with the question and chiding myself that I did not remove the bag of gifts before he got home.

What came after, was a triumphant punch and hop in the air followed by, “I knew there was no such thing as Father Christmas! It was you all along Mummy!”

I felt bad that a little bit of childhood innocence had disappeared but I played it down and mentioned that it wasn’t just me but people who love my son very much who have worked really hard to give him a good Christmas. I also capitalised on the moment to remind him of the Gospel and so I asked him who ultimately provides him with these presents. I was greeted with a confused look. I then pointed at the bag of gifts and said, “where do you think these presents come from, son?”

After a thoughtful consideration he piped up, “Asda!”

So after that face-palm moment I mentioned to my son that there are still children who believe in Santa Claus and so he must be wise and considerate and not say to them that he doesn’t exist. Of course totally bypassing any regard for the feelings of other children in his class, he went about getting into heated Santa debates with his class (likening to Brexit) and was a little put out when his cohort would not entertain the fact that there was no Santa.

But that day? That was the day that Santa “died” in our house.

Or so I thought!

Just this past Sunday, I popped into Tescos after church with the little one in tow and as we were leaving there was a man who was dressed up as Father Christmas just by the entrance of the store. From quite a distance my son spotted the bloke and had his eyes fixed on him. As we walked past him, Santa motioned his hand so that my son could give him a high five. My son had this smile on his face as if to say that he ‘knew’ that the man was not the real Father Christmas but nonetheless he slapped a high five onto the open hand and continued walking.

As we walked to the car, little man began to skip and the smile on his face was golden.

“Do you believe in Father Christmas now then, son?” I asked

I got a giggle and a very positive nod.

So at some point in the future, I will cross that bridge again when I come to it, in terms of having that chat again about Father Christmas

But for now I am milking this while I can.

So, as quickly as I created an account to enter into the National Novel Writing Month, I slept on it last night and then decided to delete the account this morning!

I know that I will regret this but the reasons are as follows:

1. Can I really devote as many hours to this for the next 4 weeks even when I get called out to work? I realised that while it is great right now (that I am on call for work), I really would not have the time to do anything when I am eventually at work itself. I am still completing a course that I’ve paid for and a colleague friend has asked for some input into solving a coursework problem. After spending the morning on that – and with only a couple of hours to go before getting my little child, I “bottled it” and clicked on the delete button to delete the account.
2.  I am officially a chicken – the thought of being accountable to other struggling writers and then have them see me peter off and fail is clearly greater for me right now than to attempt this month and pass
3. I re-read what I had written already and thought that the story was really not that good. Again, I know that I may get up tomorrow and read the same script again but decide it is actually worth pursuing, but yesterday when I was reading it in order to create a synopsis, I found that I didn’t like the story anymore.

Today marks the beginning of National Novel Writing Month and it is with a sense of trepidation and fear that I have finally taken the leap to join it. I will no doubt wake up tomorrow and think to myself, “what on earth have I done this for!?” but for now it hasn’t quite sunk in.

From what I recall it’s a challenge to encourage those of us who – like me – have always put off writing a book, to actually get a proverbial ‘kick up the backside’ and write a novel of 50000 words in 30 days. In previous years, I would discover this midway through or once its over, but on another social media platform I saw the below official image

for the site and thought to myself that if ever I needed to create a draft of my story it should be now and it should be with the support of other writers.

I am completing my profile just as I am completing this blog post but it is my hope that together I will be able to chronicle my progress via my blog here as well as on the site itself.

Watch this space – hopefully I can comment on my successes, the pitfalls and everything else for the coming month.

After quite a year I am finally back to writing or at the very least noting something down in this blog. Needless to say the lady is back.

Since my last entry, I would be lying if I was to say that I have fully recovered from the death of my dad. I have discovered that bereavement is a passage in life, a change, an evolution of one’s self – it is certainly one that a person adapts to and then moves on. I have recently had the fortune of seeking help from a charity called Cruse Bereavement Care which was able to reassure me that, “Hey! You lost someone really close to you! It’s natural to have really positive days but also to crash and burn”

I ploughed myself back into my work after dad had immediately died and did not allow myself to grieve fully. Weeks turned into months and it took me until September, right smack in the middle of a new job before his death hit me like a juggernaut truck. The end result was the unfortunate loss of the job. I’ve also learnt that employers or rather some employers cannot afford to help an employee through the death of a relative,but hey ho! It enabled me to take a knee, to regroup and to reevaluate what I needed in my life right now. My focus went back to Calvary and I was able to stand again.

Through God’s Grace He has carried me through – the one constant that I could definitely rely on was the fact that with God, whether I was in that job or unemployed or doing supply teaching which is where I am at now….. He is God and He has never left nor forsaken me. I have been blessed with a bit of time where I have started a course, where I was able to rethink some animation software which looks more user friendly to use, to also return to writing my book. He has sufficiently provided to enable me to get right with Him and to just breathe.

Before I move onto another Blog entry linked to the book, I felt it important to touch base with that reality which has helped me to pick myself up, dust myself off and eagerly pursue the new direction that I have been placed on.

When you go through losing a loved one, don’t be afraid if you have those down days. The adjustment of loss does not snap back after a few months or weeks or days, but instead is just that – an adjustment. Just make sure that you do not leave God out of the equation because He is certainly right by your side during this time.

So give yourself that time to adapt.

On the 24th March 2017, my life forever changed with the loss of my dad. Last week we celebrated his life and put him finally to rest.

Words cannot describe what it is like to lose a parent and my heart and prayers goes out to each person who has to go through this. But I honor our God and Father who – in line with Ps 34:18 – drew my heart close to His and gave (and is still giving) me peace and comfort.

One of the things I struggled with as I witnessed my dad slowly slip away was the fact that he had always denied God. Over the years we would talk about it but he would always refuse to accept Christ. In the recent years that followed – and during his lucid moments – I recall having chats with him about the fact that even in his last few minutes he could repent and accept Jesus as his Lord and Saviour.

Through God’s grace I was able to make it to his bedside and in his last few minutes was able to witness him make this final choice. On doing so his pain went, he shed one last tear for his wife, kids and step children and he finally and peacefully gave up his spirit.

Though I will never know until resurrection what Dad’s choice was, I have been given a peace beyond all understanding whenever my heart lingers on this question, along with the verse which says ” Nothing is impossible with God”. I was also given John 11:25 – 27 and I therefore believe God that I will once again see Dad when the time is right.

To God be the glory, Amen.

Ever the positive post, I wanted to summarise the passing of 2016 and the beginning of 2017. If I was going to sum up how 2016 was for me I would say “PROGRESS”

These past few years I have strived to eventually leave the teaching profession and in some respects I’ve tried to do this under my own steam. Towards the end of 2016 I finally let the Lord lead this transition and I have ended up taking on a fixed term role with a large International software company.

The experience has been fantastic – I am finally out of the classroom and yet gaining so much which would help a student when covering the theory element of their Computer Science/ICT exams – should I return to the classroom.

My work life balance is significantly better than the 16 years as a teacher even a supply teacher. My health has improved, mentally and physically. There are not as many days where I have felt mentally and physically drained. So, 2016 has ended with me believing that my goals and dreams are still reachable (through Christ who strengthens me).

It is with excited anticipation that I therefore look forward to 2017. When this current contract ends I know and I trust God that I will be placed in a further environment where I can pursue the book and the animation unhindered but also have the resources to make my own children’s lives more enriching and enjoyable.

Onwards and upwards into 2017!

So it has taken me two months before finally getting into a position to upload the final profile pictures for my social media presence. *Face palms*

Since my previous blog about the acronym look for my profile picture, I still had to edit the original picture so that it was clear across all platforms.

With the exception of those social media accounts where the profile picture is circular, my You Tube screen pretty much demonstrates the new profile image.

A bit of a heads-up – although the social media platforms are getting a little more user friendly in terms of changing one’s profile, it was still necessary for me to search for the correct dimensions for each different company which seemed to change year to year with some of them.

Another hic cup for me was when I tested the new look using smaller, smart devices like my phone. Again, whilst it’s not exactly to my (rather fussy) tastes, it seems to do what it needs to do.

Finally, my moody little tom cat can take his online retirement and no longer be the face of Showshannahs Little Space.

Will kind of miss the little guy online…..

It’s not very often that I tend to share my faith on my blog and I know that I need to do this more but I just had to share a brilliant story narrated by a dear brother in Christ (for the purpose of this blog he will be known as Keith) who visited our church a couple of weeks ago.

This brother is in his 80’s and was a child during World War 2. He has seen his city of birth being destroyed during the war but getting rebuilt from the rumble and has witnessed an ever evolving 21st century cosmopolitan city grow throughout his long life.

So of course I was all ears in terms of wanting to learn how he copes with life’s changes.

Keith shared the following story which blessed me immensely:

As a young man, Keith rebuilt quite a troublesome relationship with his father by taking him fishing. Over time his father opened up to him and they grew to enjoy each other’s company whilst sat by the peacefulness of a water’s edge. Their greatest joy was the tranquility brought about by the gentle swishing of the water against its banks and the excitement of getting that special catch. He explained that he thought his father was quite Victorian when he was smaller and very strict, and he had never perceived back then that he would be able to sit with his father and converse about just anything.

On one usual peaceful day, Keith as settling down to what he thought was going to be a great day out fishing. Both him and his father were very much looking forward to the day and were just about to settle down by the water’s edge, when they heard an ominous distant rumble of thunder in the distance. Keith recalled looking towards the horizon and seeing the telltale dark clouds signifying a thunder storm. Both him and his dad exchanged glances but both decided that the storm would not be that bad so as to pack everything up and return home. They chose to sit it out.

As soon as they made that decision however, they both felt the wind blow a moist cooler air in their direction. The rain was coming their way. Yet, they still took the decision to stay put and ride it out fishing.

True to our wonderful British weather, when it was too late for both men, the heavens opened and as he said, “the mother of all storms” opened over their heads and they decided to grab what they could and take cover under a nearby tree. Both men had to make a run for it and once they were under the shelter of the tree they exchanged another look between the two of them and smiled. They were happy at least due to the fact that they had narrowly missed a heavy downpour.

On the face of it all seemed well for Keith and he even began to take in the beauty of a fresh fall of heavy rain. His eyes slowly took in the field that they were stood in and the various sounds that accompanied the rain. One sound that he hadn’t accounted for though, was the sound of numerous ‘moos’. Keith noticed that the very thing he was not overly keen on was approaching him and his dad en masse. A herd of dairy cows.

He explained that due to the rain the herd was also looking for shelter and the only shelter they could find was the very same tree that Keith and his father were sheltering under. Cows were not Keith’s most favourite of animals and he contemplated making a run for it and away from the farm animals but at the same time he didn’t want to leave his dad nor did he want to give up the only dry spot for quite a way around. Both men decided to stand their ground and before long they were surrounded by a good 15 or so smelly, heavy cows.

Keith felt a little unnerved by the fact that he was surrounded by one of his least favourite animals. His fears began to surface as well. He wondered what would happen if one of the cows got spooked and created a stampede – they would get crushed. He also wondered what he would do if either his dad or himself had their foot crushed by a cow stepping on them. All these fears began to fill his head and he was just on the cusp of sacrificing the dryness and fun of a day out fishing, when the rain began to subside and the sun began to peek through the clouds. His fears began to also subside when he saw that the cows began to mill away from the tree and back onto the field. As he heaved a sigh of relief, he looked over to where his father was standing and was taken aback at the big grin on his dad’s face.

The dad had thoroughly enjoyed the whole affair and he had not seen his father smile as much as he did after being stuck under a tree with a bunch of cows.

So what he concluded with was a moral to this particular life experience.

Through life we strive to only have those kinds of days when everything appears to be going well when perhaps we also need to take focus on those things which make us laugh even when things are not going according to plan. He concluded with the phrase, “afterall, why let a bunch of cows ruin your day!”

The lesson for me has been the fact that I focus on the “cows” and not on the many things that transpired both before and after the event that made my day blessed.

I have taken this approach these past few weeks offline and have been encouraged when things had not gone according to plan by the fact that I serve a Heavenly Father who will always bless us with the things that make us smile even in the midst of events which are not meant to be enjoyed.